


Over the Many Moons

by Taraxacum_officinale



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Anxiety, Bernie is trying her best, Description of injuries (but nothing graphic), F/M, Ferdinand being Ferdinand, Fluff, Gen, Insecurity, Light Angst, Post B Support, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-20
Updated: 2020-12-11
Packaged: 2021-03-02 23:47:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 16,756
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24295333
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Taraxacum_officinale/pseuds/Taraxacum_officinale
Summary: Every month at the monastery brings something new.
Relationships: Dorothea Arnault & Bernadetta von Varley, Ferdinand von Aegir & Bernadetta von Varley, Ferdinand von Aegir/Bernadetta von Varley
Comments: 10
Kudos: 47





	1. Garland Moon & Flowers

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone! This is my first attempt at a multi-chapter fic, and a tribute to one of my favorite ships in Three Houses. I'll try my best to keep these two in character.
> 
> This first chapter is something like a prelude to the ones to follow.  
> Hope you enjoy!

“These are for me? How wonderful!” Ferdinand exclaimed, holding the wreath of delicate white flowers. 

“I-I’m glad you like them,” Bernadetta said. She clasped her hands in front of her chest and looked to the ground.

They stood under the sheltered walkway by the classroom, the stone arches faintly echoing their exchange. It was late afternoon, and no one else was around, except a few cats on the lawn.

Above, the sky was painted a shadowy gray by low overcast clouds. The Garland moon, which brought a month of near constant rains, had begun a few days ago. The air was warm and thick with humidity. 

“I am more than flattered,” he said, reaching to take Bernadetta’s hand. It was something that felt natural for him to do. However, she immediately pulled away. 

“I apologize. It seems I have made you uncomfortable again…” Ferdinand sighed, furrowing his brow. He remembered Bernadetta's violent reaction when he had tried to convince her to go outside more often in the past. Since then, he had become more considerate of her sensitivities. Or at least, he realized them quicker.

“Ah, no! I mean, that’s true, but… agh, my hands are all sweaty….” She began to tug at the sleeves of her jacket as if to straighten the fabric. Of course, she remembered too. But he had long since apologized, and she had long since forgiven him—it had already been a month.

“In any case, I’m glad you consider me a close friend, to have given me this,” he continued, then gently placed the wreath on his head. It ended up lopsided without his knowing, and even in her nervousness, Bernadetta couldn’t help but smile at it. “After all, it must have taken a lot of effort to gather these, considering your inclination to stay indoors. I admire that kind of courage.”

She turned her body away at the praise, which struck her heart like an arrow. It was getting more difficult for her to keep what composure she had left, but she managed to stutter out an adequate response.

“Y-yes… thank you…”

Still facing away, she held her hands in front of her and thought about the process of obtaining the flowers. It really had taken courage for her to venture outside for something that wasn’t exactly necessary. Dorothea ended up accompanying her to the greenhouse, where they each bought half a dozen white roses, using some of the money they had looted from bandits in the most recent battle. At that point the flowers were almost sold out due to their seasonal popularity, and the purchase took a couple hundred gold between them. 

But the quality was worth the price. The petals were soft and snow white, well-shaped and free of blemishes. Not to mention, the scent was lovely… as expected of a rose. 

Bernadetta felt that it would make a nice gift for her new friend. 

Or… was it more than that? 

Her feelings were muddled, like the reflection of a face in a sheet of metal. But she pushed the thought aside as she continued the tasks of the day.

Dorothea, as was her nature, gently prodded her about who she would bestow the flower wreath to, until she shyly admitted his name. 

“Oh, so it’s Ferdie,” she said, the corners of her lips turning up to form a small smile. “That makes sense. You two do seem to get along, in a way.”

We’re friends, she thought. Like me and Dorothea... or Petra. It was certainly still a recent concept in her life, but the word gave her a good feeling that she could only compare to eating her favorite sweets.

Bernadetta remembered then sitting at her desk, carefully twining the stems together. Sometimes an unexpected thorn scratched her fingers, but it rarely interrupted her work. In and out, she hummed. And slowly but surely, she wove the flowers together to form a ring shape. Then she secured the circlet with pieces of string in strategic places...

Back in the present, Ferdinand cleared his throat. 

“By the way, Bernadetta,” he began, “would you be interested in–?”

As if on cue, the rain began to fall, first in small irregular drops that lightly smacked the ground. In an instant it was pattering all around them, dulling every sound along with his voice. It marked the walkway with tiny dots of water, which grew bigger as the rain grew heavier.

At the onset, Bernadetta turned around to face Ferdinand again.

“Sorry but… I, uh, think I should be heading back now. So, um, see you another time–!” 

The sentence barely escaped her mouth before she quickly bowed and took off towards the dormitory.

Ferdinand stood where he was, and reached a hand up to touch the flowers on his head. He stared down at the path, contemplating the small figure and messy hair of the girl running away from him.

What was she really running away from? he wondered, but he had no intention of chasing her. After all, as he had learned when she injured his wrist, it was usually best to let Bernadetta be.

He sighed and stayed there for a few moments after, listening to the sound of the rain pouring down all around.


	2. Blue Sea Moon & Riding Practice

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More dialogue, more overthinking, and naturally some G-rated shenanigans because this time Fernadetta are going horseback riding!
> 
> I might have went a little wild with this chapter, but I couldn't help it- I love horses, and stories that include them. Disclaimer though, I'm not personally well versed in equestrian affairs, though I did my best and watched a few informational videos about riding. 
> 
> Cheers ^^

Weeks passed and the downpours finally ended, bringing the sunshine and warm breezes of the Blue Sea Moon. In other words, the conditions were ideal for all sorts of outdoor activities. For many of the students at Garreg Mach, this meant it was time to once again get out in the literal fields, and focus on skills such as riding and flying...

"..."

Bernadetta peered up at the tall creature with sleek fur and large, dark eyes. 

There was clear apprehension in her face as she studied the animal, and her eyes flitted frantically from the long head to its swishing tail and bony hooves. Byleth stood a few feet away, arms crossed.

“Bernadetta, I know you feel hesitant about this, but you’ve already practiced saddling up a few times now. It’s time you move forward with your training," Byleth said, her stance firm.

“I just feel like I don’t get along very well with horses,” the girl answered meekly.

“That’s not true. Besides, I think you’d be pretty good at riding if you only continued practicing,” her professor encouraged.

“Really? You’re not just saying that?” Bernadetta asked, eyes widening.

Byleth smiled gently and nodded. The horse beside them whinnied softly, as if in agreement.

Bernie began to muse. _Maybe I can do this after all, just one step at a time… maybe there's hope for me yet-_

Her train of thought was interrupted when Ferdinand entered the stable, carrying a curry comb in his hand. His boots crunched on the hay as he padded towards the pair.

“Ah, hello professor!” Ferdinand beamed. “And Bernadetta.”

Bernadetta blushed and turned away slightly at the sound of his voice saying her name. She was starting to feel acutely conscious of small gestures like that.

“Great timing, Ferdinand. This young lady needs a little push,” said Byleth. “I know you’re here to help out with grooming, but maybe you could help her with her riding practice, too?”

The "young lady" flinched and began to speak up, but her professor waved a hand and quieted her for the moment.

“She’s still getting used to being on horseback,” she added.

“Hm, I see… Well, I would not mind. This is one of my specialities, after all,” Ferdinand said confidently. He cast a smile at Bernie, who was now half hiding behind Byleth. She smiled sheepishly in return. 

“Thanks. I know I can count on you for this sort of thing. Now, I’ve got other tasks to attend to for today,” Byleth explained. As she started to leave, she clapped a hand on Ferdinand’s shoulder and lowered her voice. “Take good care of her for me, okay?”

Ferdinand stiffened and looked at Byleth questioningly, then relaxed as she took her hand away. “Alright. I will do my best.”

"See you in class tomorrow, then."

The two were silent for a spell as they both watched her leave, whistling. Bernadetta glanced anxiously at her new temporary riding teacher. This was a completely unexpected turn of events, and it made her somewhat uneasy to suddenly be handed off to Ferdinand. However, she felt relieved when he finally broke the air of silence.

"It seems our professor is terribly busy. But I am glad to be here in her place, for the time being. Shall we begin?"

"Y-yeah, let's go for it…" Bernie replied, partly talking to herself. It could have been worse, she reasoned. At least they were friends and not total strangers. 

Ferdinand nodded at her confirmation and approached the horse. Bernadetta quickly stepped aside.

“Now then, the first step is to make sure your steed is well cared for.” He took the brush to the horse’s neck and began working his way across its body. It shook its mane lightly in response.

“There, there. Good girl,” he crooned as he changed positions and patted its back. Then he looked over at Bernadetta, who was watching from several paces away. “Penelope is a gentle soul. You are lucky to have her as a training partner.”

“Ah– yeah,” Bernie answered, “Penny is nice." 

What she meant was that Penelope the horse wasn’t _as_ scary as the others. This one didn’t kick up its knees, or knash its giant teeth… she wished she could phrase her thoughts more elegantly, but speaking wasn't exactly her talent. And she couldn't help but be distracted by Ferdinand right in front of her. The way he handled the large creature so easily, the low murmur of his voice just now, the bright locks of hair falling just above his eye as he turned his head… 

Bernadetta suddenly felt a bit faint, and grabbed a nearby rake for support. Her hands moved on their own, and she idly pushed some hay to the side as Ferdinand continued talking.

“So, from what I understand, you are practicing riding for the Cavalier certification, yes? Coincidentally, I am looking to obtain mine in the near future as well.”

Bernadetta gulped. It was the truth—ever since witnessing the range of movement that riding soldiers enjoyed, her ultimate aspiration was to be a sniper on horseback. But she couldn't figure out how to voice it properly. Even after hearing Byleth affirm her confidence in her, all she could think of was how embarrassing it was to be behind in her training.

However, she then realized something—if she didn't look at him directly, conversation became much easier! She turned her face away and took a deep breath.

“Yes, that’s right,” she answered, feeling more sure of herself, “and well, I’d actually really like to get into it. But as you might be able to tell… horses make me a bit nervous.” 

It still felt like a silly excuse. Or at least, she suspected it would be to Ferdinand, who was so comfortable around horses. She braced herself for his judgement.

“Is that so? I have always known them to be rather shy towards humans. But I suppose their size may be intimidating in the beginning.” Ferdinand set aside the curry comb. No judgement.

Bernadetta felt a wave of relief. _Thank goodness, you understand!_

“Yeah, I’m always afraid that they’ll rear up and throw me off, or worse…” she said, and laughed quietly.

“Ah, yes, they can be difficult. I remember the very first time I went riding, and my lovely horse threw me into a nearby pool of mud!” Ferdinand chuckled. When he saw her expression of fear, however, he immediately amended his previous statement. “Of course, that would only happen if you acted rashly. I was a mere child, and did not know the proper way to treat such noble creatures,” he breathed. “I think you will be fine.”

“Are you sure? I’m kind of suspicious now.” Bernadetta gripped the rake again.

Ferdinand shook his head. “What you need is more confidence in yourself,” he began.

_Easy for you to say…_ She frowned.

“And that is something that comes naturally with enough practice.”

“Oh…” She looked at the ground.

"Well then, with that, is it not time we begin the training?"

* * *

Once she had properly mounted (still avoiding eye contact with Ferdinand, of course) Bernie warmed up by walking Penny around the sand by the stable. Meanwhile, Ferdinand took the rope from her tack and followed on the side, administering his comments.

"Remember– the key to good riding is proper posture! Make sure that your back is straight, and try to keep your feet away from the horse's body, until you intend to spur it."

Bernadetta straightened and exhaled, squeezing the reins in mild frustration. It was helpful advice, of course, but she had never enjoyed being ordered around. She kept quiet about it, though.

The way her body bobbed up and down with the gait of the horse also still felt rather odd. But she definitely felt more relaxed when she was on its back, rather than on the ground. This way, it wasn’t looming over her. It wouldn’t be able to trample her with minimal effort; and that was a comforting thought. She settled her heels loosely in the stirrups.

Walking proved to be fairly smooth. Soon it was time to practice maneuvering a horse at higher speeds. Ferdinand led Penny and Bernadetta down through the gate past the stable, from which there was an equestrian path leading to the field surrounding the old chapel. The horse paused at the end of the path, allowing the pair to take in the view. 

Despite feeling utterly stranded in such large open spaces, Bernie couldn't help but appreciate the beauty in the details of the scenery. It was her first time seeing it in this season. 

The expanse of midsummer plain was dotted with wildflowers of varying colors that piqued her interest. Breezes swayed the verdant grasses, while dragonflies darted to and fro, creating a picture that was constantly moving. The thought of attempting to recreate it in a painting briefly crossed Bernadetta’s mind.

In the distance, she noticed another pair of figures resting in the shade of a patch of trees near the ruins. A pegasus slowly flapped its wings nearby. Other students could be seen scattered across the field, wielding wooden mock weapons. Luckily, everyone was spread out enough that they likely wouldn't interfere with each other's training.

Penny snorted, and Bernie willed herself to look down.

"Um… what now?" she prompted Ferdinand.

He looked up and answered, a hand on his hip. “We will trot, then move on to cantering, if possible for today. I will sit behind you as well, for the sake of the lesson.”

“H-huh?!” Her hands began to sweat in the reigns. Ferdinand? With _me_? On _this horse_?

Ferdinand sighed, putting a palm to his forehead. “This way, I do not have to shout at you from a distance. Surely, you would not like that. And if you were to, say, suddenly faint, or lose control of your horse…”

Bernadetta clutched the rope stiffly and pouted, not saying anything. It was bold of him to assume she would faint in a normal situation... even though it had happened before.

He took his hand away from his face. “Please, Bernadetta. If you truly wish to learn, which you have previously expressed, this is the best– no, this is the safest method.”

“...Alright,” she exhaled, turning her head downwards. If she really wanted this certification, she would have to comply. Still, as Ferdinand climbed onto Penny’s back and swung his legs over, Bernadetta felt her stomach twist. It was a little too close for comfort. 

Well, at least she didn’t have to face him like this. She clicked her tongue and began walking the horse into the field.

“Alright, lean forward slightly, and try spurring,” he instructed. She nodded curtly and dug her boots into the sides of the horse.

Bernadetta's mind began to race as the horse broke into a canter, turning up some dirt with its hooves. Wind brushed her ears. The sky and earth moved in opposite directions. 

_Oh gosh, oh gosh, it’s running. What do we do now, what do we do._

Ferdinand piped up from behind. “Excellent! Now, stay focused.”

“G-got it!”

She fixed her eyes on the horizon and attempted to steady herself. _Okay, maybe this isn't so bad. Actually, if I'm being honest, it's fun… I think I feel more excited than anxious. Riding is fun. Yeah!_

Bernadetta grinned and held on tighter, continuing to look forward. If she didn't think about it too much, she could really enjoy herself. Onward they rode, in the direction of a thicket near the ruins.

In that moment, Ferdinand thought he rather liked her, beyond simple admiration. She was cute, in her idiosyncratic ways.

He remembered the rejected offer from House Varley—it had only been a year ago, as he had reached the age where marriage became an applicable topic. Was this really the girl he had vehemently declined, who shut herself up in the gloom of her room, stitching cursed dolls to bide the time? 

There was a certain confidence to her now, he thought, as she pushed onward across the plain. Pure, whimsical joy too, that was typically masked underneath crushing anxiety. It was unfortunate that such a delightful personality had been shunned into reclusion.

But, marriage offers aside, courting her was out of the question. She was always avoiding him in some way. Her gift of a garland was simply a symbol of friendly relations, not romantic intentions. It would be inappropriate to suggest any relationship further than that.

And it was true. They were friends. He decided it would be best to stay that way, to continue supporting her—because she, at the very least, deserved to be recognized.

Just as he came to this conclusion, Bernadetta’s boots dug into Penelope’s side again, sending them galloping towards the thicket where a few students rested obliviously.

“Ahhhhhhhhhhh!” she screamed, quickly hunching over. “T-too fast!!! How do I make it stoppp?!”

The horse continued to barrel into oblivion, veering to the right. The trees were approaching at a dangerous pace. 

Ferdinand snapped to his senses and grasped the reins, putting his own hands over Bernadetta’s pale ones. It was a struggle when the two of them were being shaken so violently, but at last he managed to get a grip.

“Woah!! Woah!” he called, drawing the ropes back, and they both nearly fell off as Penelope reared, breathing heavily.

* * *

Byleth leaned against the stone wall, gazing down onto the field. The sun was just starting to lower in the sky, painting everything in faint yellows and oranges. 

She watched as the pair of her students cantered, slowed to a trot, then stopped the horse in order to shakily dismount. Eyes unwavering, she took a sip of tea from her flask.

Suddenly she heard the clacking of heels approaching, and looked to the side to see familiar emerald eyes and flowing hair topped with a hat.

"Hello there, Dorothea," she greeted.

“Hello, professor.” She settled her sleeves onto the wall beside Byleth and hummed. “Playing matchmaker with your students?”

Byleth said nothing for a moment, once again training her eyes on the scenery below.

“Hm... maybe it’s like that.”

Dorothea giggled. “If you ask me, it seems like they would come together on their own, even if you didn’t do anything.”

Byleth took her eyes off the field and looked over at her student, and when she saw her smiling, she couldn’t help but smile too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Updates might be a sort of infrequent from here on, but I'm still working on future chapters! So look forward it ;D


	3. Blue Sea Moon, Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A conclusion to this moon (and fluff). ❁

“I actually did it! I passed the exam!!” 

Bernadetta practically leaped into the air when she told the news to Ferdinand at the end of the month. 

“Hehe... I’m officially a cavalier.” 

He too was overjoyed at what they had accomplished with their training in the past few weeks. Penelope turned out to be a gentle soul indeed, with little taming necessary. Much to Bernadetta’s relief, after that first session she never reared up again, and the two became fast friends as they trotted under the blue summer skies (though, like her rider, she could be stubborn and sometimes took a bit of coaxing to go in the intended direction...). At some point Ferdinand brought his own horse Oliver along and, between practicing his jumps, simply watched the two bond out on the field. He felt full of pride and warmth just thinking about it.

“I knew that you were capable,” he said, again with that heart-melting smile of his. “I am proud to say that I was also able to pass the certification.”

At this Bernie’s eyes twinkled, and she stuttered out her congratulations. 

“And thanks, um... for all the help,” she added. “I think I’ll be good on my own from here on. I mean, with the basic skills. Or maybe I can study more advanced riding under Professor Jeritza…”

He considered her last statement for a moment. Jeritza was an odd and typically imposing presence at academy. Other students he knew were either impressed by his stoic silence or frightened into deference by his cold expression and growl. Ferdinand had to wonder, frankly, why Bernadetta wasn't terrified of him. Though, he had once glimpsed the two of them in the dining hall, eating together with Professor Byleth. Perhaps they managed to get along through a mutual avoidance of social activities, though their dislike for speaking surely had different roots.

“True, Professor Jeritza may prove a worthwhile mentor in the future. However–” he cleared his throat “–for the time being, why not celebrate this achievement with a splendid meal?”

Here he was again, inviting her to go outside and do things. It wasn’t like he was being forceful, but... Bernadetta fought the urge to wiggle out of it and politely excuse herself like she had so often done in the past. She knew deep down that she couldn’t keep avoiding people forever. 

Besides, this was a celebration specifically for the both of them, and... oh, there might be cake, too. Which was always a nice prospect, and something she thought of as a personal reward for braving the gazes of countless strangers.

_Well, it also might be alright with a certain person with us,_ she thought. 

“Oh, sure, that sounds nice…” It wasn’t a complete lie. “But, um... I’d like Professor Byleth to be there too.” She toyed with her hands as she spoke, quietly focused on articulating the words. “After all, she’s the one who encouraged me in the very beginning. I wouldn’t have gotten nearly this far without her.”

“Yes, our professor is wonderful in regards to motivating her students,” said Ferdinand, combing a hand through his hair as he briefly contemplated this characteristic of Byleth. He smiled down at Bernadetta again. “Well then, I will inform her of the arrangement. Let us all meet in the rose garden at six.”

“Alright…!” she squeaked, and the two parted ways.

* * *

As she sank her teeth into sauteed fish and sweet buns (not the cake she had imagined, but delightful nonetheless) that evening, Bernadetta was glad she hadn’t refused this invitation. 

Ferdinand had ordered from the monastery kitchen in advance, and the three now took up a secluded table in one of the gated gardens. The heat of midday had cooled, and on the breeze rode the occasional owl or pigeon, but other than that they were practically alone. Once again, Bernie realized he was being considerate of her preferences, and she couldn’t help but feel grateful.

Even so, she had a feeling that if it was just the two of them, it might be oddly tense, like how the beginning of her riding practice had been—her pouting, and his mildly frustrated remarks in return. But Byleth’s calming presence quelled any storm that might have otherwise risen in her, and she ate without an ounce of distress. 

At times between bites she peeked to her right, where Ferdinand was sitting. He was similarly in a good mood, chatting up the professor about the pleasant weather as of late, among other ordinary topics. Meanwhile, Bernadetta was content to stay fairly quiet and savor the food. 

One of the times she looked over, they locked eyes for a split second, and Bernadetta felt her heart leap in a way that was becoming all too familiar. She quickly took a napkin to her mouth to distract herself.

_Do you ever feel that way too...? Like a flutter in your chest...?_ she pondered nervously, but then shook her head lightly at the silly thoughts. _No, no, that’s ridiculous. You’re Ferdinand von Aegir._

Her bangs falling a bit in her eyes, she took another stab at the raspberry filled bun in front of her. 

Ferdinand was equally quiet by the end of it, but not out of fatigue or lack of conversation topics as Bernadetta might have concluded. In reality, he could talk all evening if he wanted to. 

Of course, he didn’t have access to her thoughts… but the truth was that he felt it too—that spark of something exciting when they met eyes, even if he would never admit it. He dabbed at a speck of jam on his hand with his handkerchief.

Byleth simply smiled at the two of them, and raised her teacup in a toast of praise. Ferdinand was quick to raise his own cup as well. Bernadetta lagged a few seconds, but soon they were all clinking together.

“To my lovely students,” she said. "Congrats to you both on your hard work. You earned this certification."

Ferdinand and Bernadetta shared another glance, and this time the two of them blushed (the change in color on his face was barely perceptible; on Bernie it was more obvious. Byleth with her sharp eyes noticed both). They looked back at their professor, and all of a sudden she laughed, but immediately covered her mouth with her hand.

"Thank you, professor!"

Thus the Blue Sea Moon ended joyously.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back! I finished one of my summer online courses, so I've got a little vacation time ahead of me (whew)  
> Anyway, I'm really enjoying working on this again. Expect another update in a couple of days~~


	4. Verdant Rain Moon & the Chaos of Battle

As the days shifted into the Verdant Rain Moon, the pair began to feel like they had settled nicely into their lives as students at Garreg Mach.

Bernadetta felt cozier than ever in her room as the endless rain drummed at the window. It may have been a good excuse to avoid socializing outside, but it was just as good of an excuse to catch up on her embroidery and other creative projects. She pleasantly wrote, drew, and stitched away. And at times, felt inspired to use the color orange in her work.

Meanwhile, Ferdinand spent an hour each day teasing and smoothing his hair, which was always wrecked by humidity. No one at the monastery had a chance to witness the frizziness that plagued him during the rainy season, as he never failed to tame it before appearing in public. Though, Flayn might have noticed that he had a new scent, similar to salad oil. 

Just as everyone was getting comfortable, however, a mission arrived at the end of the month. Rhea informed the students that bandits led, surprisingly, by Sylvain’s older brother, had stolen a Hero’s relic, and it was an immediate priority to stop them from fleeing with the holy object. Naturally, every capable Black Eagle was enlisted in this assignment...

Bernadetta stood about forty feet away from a mage in the stone passageway, eyes trained on the target. Her fingers shook as she held tightly onto her bow.

 _Who was it that said that old adage about love and war? That all's fair in both, or something like that…? Well,_ Bernadetta reasoned, _they're similar in another way—they're both very much anxiety inducing!_

Not like she was in love with anyone, though. That would be silly.

As she drew the bowstring to get in the first hit, Bernadetta’s eyes flickered to the flash of orange hair on the other side of the passageway. Seeing the dark brown cascade nearby, she was immediately hit with a pang of some unpleasant emotion she couldn’t exactly describe. 

He’s standing so close to Dorothea… ah, I wish they didn’t look good together…... She bit her lip and averted her gaze back to the enemy.

_What was the word for it…?_

_Jealousy?_

Her shot missed, just grazing the mage’s shoulder, and she gritted her teeth. _Agh! What are you doing, Bernie?! Don’t get distracted! We’re in the middle of a battle!_

The arrow whistled away into a dark corner. Luckily, Petra ran up to unleash a well-timed slash, sending the mage to his knees. She exhaled.

Ferdinand moved forward a few paces on his horse, stealing a glance over his shoulder at Bernadetta, who Byleth had backing up Hubert. For this mission, the professor had advised her to be a ground soldier rather than a mounted one. Perhaps that choice was for the best, since her riding technique was not quite up to par with Ferdinand’s, and the passage had areas with stairs, which would make things difficult over the course of the battle. In any case, he felt apprehensive about the arrangement, and for seemingly no good reason.

 _Is she really safe enough next to him?_ He wondered. _True, Hubert may have powerful magic, but... Why do I feel that I should be guarding her?_

“Ferdie! Watch out for that–” Dorothea cried.

He forced himself to look away, and just in time, as he narrowly dodged an arrow from an enemy archer. He gasped under his breath—it was a lesson to focus more in the future. After all, this was serious.

They all advanced cautiously, tucking around corners and defending with shields as much as possible. Linhardt nearly passed out, but thankfully managed to keep his eyes open long enough to heal Bernadetta, who suffered a small gash from a sword she couldn’t quite avoid. Ferdinand winced at the sight of her wounded, and again felt strangely protective of her.

After many harrowing encounters with armored knights and lance-wielders alike, they finally reached the uppermost chamber. And just as they assumed the fight was over... they watched in horror as Sylvain’s brother Miklan transformed into a demonic beast.

It was then the students realized that this was truly not a game.

“Everyone stand back!” Edelgard warned, and then Miklan—no, the monster—erupted in an attack, sending several infantry units into swift retreat. 

It was pure chaos. In all their battles beforehand, the students had never encountered anything like it. Monsters were something they heard about in passing, from old books and faraway stories. Now that it was before their eyes, they were largely unprepared to fight it. Even their rigorous training hadn’t mentally prepared them for this scenario.

Byleth raised her glowing, newly acquired sword of the creator and cried out, ordering Hubert to charge in with his gambit. It was a somewhat hasty decision, but it would stun the beast at least for a little while, so they could attack without as much risk. 

The professor turned her head. “Bernadetta, you stay back too. This is dangerous, we can’t have you getting close.”

“Got it!” Bernie yelped. At any rate she was frozen in fear; but she held her bow at the ready as she watched.

Byleth’s command worked. She sprinted after Hubert, and after his group of mages succeeded in scorching the monster a small amount, she leapt and slashed it with her sword. It shrieked, appearing to take significant damage. As soon as she landed back on the floor, however, she motioned for Hubert to move back, and began her own retreat.

 _This is my chance,_ thought Ferdinand eagerly. Despite the apprehension he felt in the pit of his stomach, he raised his lance.

“I shall take this next attack!” he exclaimed, cantering towards the center of the chamber. But by then the beast was already getting back on its feet. It roared and flailed its scaled black body, scattering large chunks of stone into the surrounding area as if it was a living trebuchet.

Ferdinand’s luck finally ran out. Before he could move away, a piece of rubble hit him square in the chest. He toppled off his horse, which in fright reared and galloped out of the way, leaving him dazed on the ground. Shakily, he stretched an arm towards his fallen lance, only a few feet away. But it was hopeless. His chest was on fire and he struggled to breathe. There was no way he was getting off the ground in that condition.

He managed a hoarse whisper before his lungs gave out. “So much... for the noble standard…”

Hubert grimaced as he prepared another magic attack, and called out behind him to no one in particular. “Someone get that noble wretch away from here!” 

Bernadetta in a panic glanced over at Dorothea, thinking that she might arrive at Ferdinand’s aid, but instead decided to join Hubert at the front lines.

“Bernie, you go help Ferdie, okay? I’ll handle the fighting for now!” said the older girl. Though her voice was somewhat strained, she smiled and tipped her hat.

“A-alright!” 

As soon as Bernadetta gave the affirmative, Dorothea turned around and unsheathed her sword next to Edelgard’s dark servant, preparing to attack. Meanwhile, Bernie rushed to the spot where Ferdinand had fallen.

He was in awful shape, lying on his stomach. She tugged carefully at his arm so that he rolled over onto his back, then confirmed that he was still breathing. And his face, though bruised and smeared with a bit of grime, was perfectly intact.

“Thank the goddess,” she whispered, and briefly looked back at the others. She furrowed her brows. “Why me, though...? I’m definitely not the strongest person here...” But she quickly realized that the strongest units were there in the thick of battle with Byleth, where they were needed most. Bernadetta gulped and remembered the task at hand. 

True, she wasn’t the strongest. Not by a long shot. When compared with people like Edelgard or Petra, she was downright flimsy. But as she began to drag Ferdinand across the floor by his collar, she suddenly felt something bloom in her veins, giving her an extra dose of might. Was it her crest? Nevertheless, she lifted him up with a strength she hadn’t imagined she was capable of, and slung him over her shoulders. It was easier to carry him like this. Moving as fast as she could with the extra weight, Bernadetta headed toward a far wall. Along the way another piece of rubble flew by and barely missed her head, making her heart beat quicker.

_Come on, Bernie, we’ve got to go!_

Finally they reached a corner that was safely out of range from the chaos. Her temporary burst of strength began to fade, and after setting Ferdinand down, she collapsed onto the floor beside him, exhausted by the stress of the situation.

“There… I’ve done it…” she said, letting out a sigh.

Hugging her knees as she leaned against the wall, Bernadetta glanced over at Ferdinand. His amber eyes opened for a brief moment and looked towards some vague point in the distance. She felt herself jump a little at the sight, but he quickly closed them again. Then his lips stirred, and his voice came out weakly.

“Thank you, Bernadetta,” he said. She looked over again, and his eyelids were tightly shut, though she swore she saw him smiling in the slightest. “I surely could have died just then. How foolish I have been…” He took a breath and slumped down.

“Ah, no, that’s…” she said, but was unsure if he heard her. He looked like he was about to fall into a deep sleep. A droplet of blood appeared from a scrape on his cheek, and he remained still.

“You’re welcome,” Bernadetta decided, and blushed.

At that moment there was a great roar, louder than any of the previous ones. She gazed over at the site of the conflict as Edelgard shouted to announce the end of the battle, holding her gleaming axe in the air.

Dorothea came over almost immediately, clutching her upper arm. She gave a pained smile, and Bernadetta swiftly stood from her place.

“Dorothea, your arm...”

“Just a scratch,” she said, looking to the side briefly, then returning her eyes to Bernadetta. “It was tough, but... we did it, Bernie! Gosh, I can’t remember the last time I’ve been so scared in my life...”

“Same,” Bernadetta replied softly. “And that’s saying a lot.” The two girls chuckled. 

“Oh, good job taking care of Mr. Sleeping Beauty here.” Dorothea leaned down and poked Ferdinand’s head with her other arm. “Looks like he outdid himself this time around.”

Out of the mist Hubert appeared, menacing as usual, though there was a hint of weariness in his expression. “Really, this scoundrel... what glorious luck he has,” he breathed, glaring at the unconscious Ferdinand. “In any case, Lady Edelgard requested that I keep watch over him.” There was unconcealed disgust in his voice; but ever loyal, he proceeded to hoist Ferdinand over one of his shoulders and carry him away. 

Bernadetta felt a mild burning feeling well up in her throat, but she swallowed it and sighed. See you, Ferdinand.

“I feel a little bad, but he’s still breathing. He’ll be fine,” said Dorothea. She looked over and mussed Bernadetta’s hair, again with her good arm. “Let’s go home, Bernie Bear.”

“Yeah,” said Bernadetta, looking into that vague distance, wondering if there was something there that she had missed. All she saw was the carcass of the fallen monster, huge and dark.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't have a lot of practice in writing battle scenes, but I gave it a shot ^_^;
> 
> Also, I get that Ferdie being a mounted unit in this chapter might be kind of dumb... tbh maybe I just liked the idea of him getting literally "knocked off his high horse" lol (this is probably only funny to me)
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	5. Horsebow Moon, Mirrors & Poetry

With the beginning of the Horsebow Moon, tendrils of cold wind from the north of Fodlan began to twirl about at Garreg Mach. It made its way through the trees and shrubs, gradually subduing the bright summer greens into patches of brown, yellow and orange. The sun still shone brightly, but the hours of daylight began to shorten, even if the difference was barely noticeable.

Amid the morning light seeping in through his window, Ferdinand reached for the decanter and poured water into a bowl at his dressing table. He dipped his hands in and proceeded to douse his face, blinking away any remaining sleepiness along the way. 

Soon he had donned his uniform, and gently ran a comb through his hair as he stared into the mirror for a good forty five seconds. He put the comb down and scrutinized his reflection, looking for any stray hairs or threads on his coat and jabot.

It was all part of his routine. Before he left for the academy, his mother had always told him that if he was to be a prime minister in the future, outward impressions were of the utmost importance. Eloquent speech, flawless manners, and well-groomed eyebrows defined the Aegir family and its shining example of nobility, so he was told. And keeping up this meticulous maintenance would earn him the respect of his peers. So he was told.

But he could never forget the condescension on Hubert’s face when he awakened in the infirmary. He probably hated Ferdinand the most out of all the students (Dorothea came close), so that reaction was more or less expected… and besides, he wasn’t particularly fond of Hubert either. Their differences often got in the way of each other. What hurt much more than anything else, though, was Edelgard’s look of disappointment and disdain when they crossed paths again after the last battle. 

“I see you’re doing better, Ferdinand,” she had said. But it was as if she was leering down on him from a tower, saying, _You really thought you were better than me? I thought you somewhat incompetent before, but now you’ve gone and made a fool of yourself like this._

He would be lying if he said that the opinions of others did not affect him. Because above all else, it was a duty in his life to be well-liked, as a proper representative. It was a role he had wholeheartedly accepted and strived to fulfil. He arrived at Garreg Mach full of pride, ambition, and as was slowly coming to light, great naivety.

So every failure, every glare, every excuse to leave the conversation stung like a wasp’s prick. With each passing month at the monastery, he realized a little more that his ideal life was simply an ideal that was crumbling before his eyes, and it was impossible to get along with every single person he met. 

Of course, he strived to not show it, too. Only in these quiet moments, while he was getting ready in the morning or returning to his room in the evening, would he let his thoughts wander into the forbidden realm of insecurity.

Ferdinand frowned at the scratch on his face, still in the process of healing, and touched a gloved hand to it. It might take a few days, or even a week to fully disappear.

He let out a small sigh and looked away from the mirror, letting his gaze fall at the window. The light still streamed in, a fragment brighter than before, and the fresh autumn air called to him. It was a perfect day for an early morning walk, he thought. 

* * *

In her room, Bernadetta could forget. She could live in a dream where the outside world and all its stressful situations, all its disappointment in her dissolved into the background. No one could hurt her here—and by the same logic, she couldn’t hurt anyone else, either. It was a safe haven.

Cocooned in her quilt on this early autumn morning, she felt exceedingly comfortable. It was a free day, and she was determined to stay in bed as much as possible. Her thoughts wandered hazily as she snuggled with her stuffed bear, relatively carefree for the time.

Carefree, except for the passing recollections of last month’s battle. The disaster with Miklan and the demonic beast, then Ferdinand getting injured and her having to dodge falling rocks to bring him to safety… everything was still fresh in her mind. And when she thought of the last words he uttered before he finally fainted, she curled up a little tighter. 

He had been foolish, he said. 

_Maybe we're both fools..._ she lamented. _I'm glad I could help you, but... sometimes I don't even know why I'm here._

Bernadetta could feel the beginnings of tears in her eyes, but hastily blinked them away.

She shuffled and turned over, opening her eyes towards the desk, where a disheveled pile of papers sat, pushed away from a mess of various art supplies and sewing materials. On these lazy days free of training, sometimes she continued a story she had started writing a month ago. Often the ideas for it came to her most readily when she was lazing around in bed like this. And though she didn’t have much motivation to work on it now, she could imagine herself at the desk, dipping the quill in the inkwell and reproducing on paper the words and situations that had formed in her mind.

She was starting to feel restless laying there, staring at the unfinished work among the clutter. But she was sleepy and stayed in bed for a while longer, until the sun’s rays had risen enough to shine on her windowsill.

* * *

Normally he might begin with a stroll through the gardens, but today Ferdinand took a straight route to the classroom in the officer’s academy. Even on days without lessons, students often congregated there to study or chat. This early in the day, however, its only occupants were a few unfamiliar faces, and Petra keenly observing the pages of an open book. As he approached her, he noticed her scribbling something on a notepad as well.

She quickly picked up on his presence and greeted him before he made it to her spot. “Good morning, Ferdinand.”

“A pleasure to see you here, Petra.” He glanced down at the book, which appeared to be a religious text. “If you do not mind me asking, what have you been studying so diligently?”

“This is… a book of the church of Seiros, from the library. It says much of the goddess’s story.” Petra paused and pursed her lips for a moment before continuing. “I am using it to be improving in my reading.”

“I see. If you have difficulty with any passages, I would be glad to help out.” 

Petra smiled. “You are having my gratitude. I will do my best.”

Ferdinand was about to say more when, on a table in a far corner by the windows not far from where Petra was sitting, he caught sight of a scrap of paper. “Excuse me for a moment, Petra.”

He walked towards it out of curiosity, picked it up and observed it carefully.

To his surprise, it looked like… poetry. A few neatly sectioned stanzas of verse spanned the length of the paper, and even more curiously, the top of the page was adorned with tiny ink drawings of celestial objects. There was the sun on one side, and the moon on the other, with a few stars scribbled beside it.

The story of the poem was also interesting.

He brought it over to the desk where Petra had continued reading. “Would you mind taking a look at this poem I found?”

“A poem?" She looked up quizzically. “Alright. I am having time.” Petra nodded and took the paper into her hands, whispering the words as she slowly examined it.

“ _For Sun seemed to glow... so brilliant and kind… while Moon knew not what to say, trapped in her mind._ ” she recited. “Oh, that is the end. It is a nice poem, I think.”

Ferdinand agreed. “Indeed. But I wonder who might have composed it. Do you recognize the handwriting?”

Petra shook her head. “...I do not know.” 

“Well, that is alright. I will ask around the monastery. Perhaps the author is looking for their lost work as well.”

It certainly wasn’t Petra’s, when he compared the handwriting. The letters were small and well-proportioned cursive, though it appeared to have been written in a haste.

As he exited the classroom and crossed the lawn, the first person Ferdinand stumbled upon just so happened to be Edelgard. She was standing near the ledge with a view of the cathedral, facing away from him. He still felt stiff around her after their most recent interaction, but he breathed and strode towards her anyway.

“Fine weather today, is it not?”

She turned around almost immediately. “Ferdinand! Ah, yes. I enjoy spending time outdoors when I can,” she said, her voice firm and surprisingly pleasant, a sharp change from their last encounter. 

“As do I. It would be a waste to stay inside in this season,” he commented, and right after remembered a certain person who at this time would likely be, according to his opinion, “wasting” the day, staying in the comfort of her room. He suddenly felt a pang of awareness at his own words, but found relief at the sight of Edelgard’s good-natured smile and shining lavender eyes.

“Certainly,” she began. She seemed to be about to start a conversation on a different topic when she spied the object in Ferdinand’s hand and moved a step closer. “What is that you have there?”

“Oh, I found it in the Black Eagles classroom just now,” he explained, handing the paper over.

Edelgard raised her eyebrows as she scanned the page. “Did a student from our house really write this?”

“I am fairly sure of it, considering the location,” said Ferdinand, pushing a lock of hair behind his ear. “But as for the author-”

“It remains a mystery, it seems,” she finished for him, wounding his pride by a smidge once again. “It’s a vague subject, after all. However, with a story about the sun and moon presented as people, I can’t help but think of the mythical influence. The person who wrote this probably appreciates such stories.” 

“I must agree,” Ferdinand added, sensing Edelgard’s small-talk geniality growing into impatience, and decided to wrap up the exchange. “I will definitely consider that point as I search for the author to return it to. In any case, thank you. I should be on my way.” He bowed lightly as she gave him her regards, then headed in the opposite direction towards the dining hall.

 _Someone who enjoys myths or stories…_ he wondered as he walked. The suggestion should have narrowed down the candidates, but it instead perplexed him. _Could it be her…? No, that would be..._

But before he finished the thought, he spotted Dorothea and Hubert sitting alone at one of the many tables. They seemed to be discussing something over their empty plates, and as Ferdinand approached he saw Hubert say something with a serious face and Dorothea laugh. When he reached the table, however, Dorothea’s liveliness was cut short, and she stared up at him with stern eyes above a polite smile. 

“Hello, Ferdie. How do you do?” Dorothea greeted. Shortly after, Hubert offered a nod of acknowledgement and a mutter of a hello.

Again Ferdinand produced the paper, his hands now sweating slightly, and asked the two of them to give their thoughts on it, and said how he was still unsure of who it might belong to. The pair studied it together.

“Oh, there’s a rhyme scheme here. I don’t doubt that the author has musical talent... Not to mention artistic skill. They’ve made such cute drawings,” Dorothea commented as she finished reading. “There aren’t many people like that at the academy, you know?” She grinned.

Ferdinand was dumbstruck. “You do not mean to suggest… that this poem is of your authorship?”

“No, no, not at all. But I do admire the person who wrote this. A romantic story between the night and day, and the tension of them not being able to meet... It's honestly captivating. Wouldn’t you agree, Hubert?”

Hubert chuckled knowingly. “Yes, captivating... although I am not usually interested in such stories, I must say I enjoyed this one.”

Ferdinand felt that they were concealing something from him, and grew suspicious. But to his frustration, neither of them spoke further. Dorothea simply urged him to speak to the other Black Eagles. 

“I think I saw Caspar near the training grounds earlier. Devoted and energetic as always,” she noted happily.

Ferdinand thought that Linhardt might be able to provide more useful insight, and considered visiting the dormitory. Then he thought better of it, as he was surely taking a mid-morning nap around this time, and he didn’t intend to wake him. To the training grounds he went. 

Caspar turned out to be just as puzzled as he was. He didn’t focus on the words for long before admitting that he wasn’t exactly an expert on literature, and proposed that Ferdinand go see Byleth. “She’d probably know better than any of us, right?” he said, and returned to swinging his axe at a training dummy.

Based on how high the sun was now, it was almost noon. More and more students and faculty appeared as he crossed the grounds, looking around every corner for the sight of the professor’s gray coat and unmistakable blue hair.

At last, breathless and confused, he found Byleth at the fishing pond and walked over slowly. She seemed at peace, looking out over the glistening water. A passing breeze ruffled the hair at her back. Just as she reached into a pail for a piece of bait, she noticed him and turned her head.

“Oh, Ferdinand.” Her tone was smooth as always. “Interested in catching a big one? I heard they usually show up around this time of year.”

He walked up to the very edge of the pier and sighed, staring at the depths of the pond. The water reflected the sky to a degree, almost like a mirror. “Not exactly, professor. Though I am sure it would make for an interesting afternoon. Actually…” He went through the now-familiar routine of showing the poem and explaining its mystery. 

“From what I have gathered by asking, the author seems to enjoy stories, and maybe possesses musical skill. And of course, they made these drawings,” he said, pointing at the miniscule sun and moon, carefully sketched in ink.

“I see,” said Byleth, who knew her students better than anyone else, and had absolutely no trouble determining who wrote it.

“I feel as though I have asked everyone at this point,” he said, somewhat dejectedly. “I mean, everyone in our class who is available.”

She pondered it for a moment, then said, “Everyone?”

“Well, Linhardt may be awake by now, but… wait, professor,” Ferdinand said as he raised his head from his dejected posture. The image of a certain shy girl appeared in his mind. “You are right, I have not asked everyone.”

Seeing the realization on his face, Byleth went straight in. “I once overheard Bernadetta singing in the greenhouse. She was a little upset that I heard her, but it was pretty nice, actually.”

She winked, and he didn’t need to say anymore. He thanked her and began briskly towards the dorms.

* * *

Soon after she had rolled out of bed, Bernadetta got dressed and mused over the pile at her desk. Her hands played lazily with a strand of embroidery thread.

The premise of her story was simple. It detailed the life of a girl living alone in a magical forest, untouched by the great inventions of man. The forest was a beautiful but dangerous place, and the girl was never without her faithful crossbow that she received from a kind late uncle. 

One day, a stray prince wanders in and gets attacked by a fierce dragon to which he is sure to lose on his own. However, the girl serendipitously arrives at the scene and saves the prince with her crossbow. Feeling in her debt, he offers to guide her around the wonders of the outside world. With his encouragement, she leaves the forest and explores some of the world on horseback, and their adventure begins. They meet many exciting characters and get into skirmishes with bandits, other mythical creatures, and loud, sketchy inn owners. 

Bernadetta hadn’t exactly decided the ending yet, but she knew that she wanted the prince to stay with the girl, at least for a little while. Eventually, they return to the forest and the girl gives the prince a wreath of everlasting flowers as a parting gift. But despite their differences, the two characters were very close, and did not want to say their farewells just yet. In her imagination, they would enjoy the rest of their time together gallivanting through the woods, and perhaps one day...

Suddenly there was a knock at the door, and she froze. From the sound of it, steady and loud, she guessed who might have produced the noise.  
.  
.  
.

"Bernadetta," he said after he knocked. "May I come in for a moment?"

There was a silence from her side of the door, and Ferdinand worried briefly that he'd mistepped. Perhaps they would have to speak through the wall again.

"Um well, you see– my room's really messy right now and… no," she answered at last, not without a deep sigh. "But… actually, I can come outside for a little while. If it's important... Just give me a second to get ready and all…"

"Please, take the time you need."

 _Oh gosh, why now…_ she wondered. While Ferdinand waited against the wall outside, Bernie straightened the mess of papers and stuffed them into a drawer, placing a small canvas and a couple paint brushes on top for good measure. Even if she wasn’t letting anyone inside her room, she didn’t want to risk another person seeing her story. She’d already slipped up once with Sylvain when he discovered a piece of it left behind in the library, and that experience was nearly traumatic. Never again.

When the hiding was accomplished, she took a rare moment to observe her appearance in her hand mirror. _Same old Bernie…_ came the voice in her head. As she stared into the reflection, all she could think about was her scruffy hair and droopy eyes.

She quickly pulled on her boots and ran her hands through her hair, just to be barely presentable. Then, as a final touch, she took a deep breath. And she opened the door.  
.  
.  
.

They sat on a bench right outside the line of the dormitory, the high stone wall at their backs and grass at their feet. Bernadetta gripped the bottom of the bench as her eyes flitted nervously towards some passerby, and Ferdinand cleared his throat.

“I do not wish to keep you too long, so I shall get to the point,” he began without much delay, producing the paper from his pocket and handing it to her. “You wrote this poem, correct?”

“P-poem...?” As soon she saw the drawings, though, realization landed. She blushed furiously and brought her hands to her face. 

Her thoughts started to spiral. _And after I was so careful to hide the story… aghhhh, why is this happening, honestly Bernie? this is so embarrassing, I put my heart into that and if he finds out then…_

She breathed. “Um, yes…”

“I had suspected so. Anyway, I–” Ferdinand stopped and moved an inch closer. “Are you alright?”

“Oh, I’m fine,” she answered hurriedly, staring downward through the cracks of her fingers. “Please continue. You um, found a poem.”

_Isn’t it normal to be embarrassed about your own writing?!_

“Yes. And through finding this, I have realized just how shamefully little I know about you.” He shook his head, but smiled nonetheless. “Even though we are friends, I know nothing of your hobbies, and only today had a chance to witness your wonderful writing. Once again, I have much to learn.”

 _“Wonderful”? You mean you don’t actually hate it...?_ But Bernie swallowed the words.

“Uh, it’s okay… I mean, I can’t really blame you for that,” she said, and began to draw her fingers away from her eyes. “I just spend my free days inside my room, doing stuff by myself. And I feel like I can’t really talk about my interests when I’m around a bunch of people. Which is probably why you barely know anything about what I like…” She stopped herself before she got sick of her own speech.

“I see… though I found this in the classroom,” he said.

Bernadetta once again flushed. “O-oh yeah, I was thinking about it during the lecture, haha… um…”

He chuckled. “I heard you are fond of singing, so when I consider that, it is not so surprising for you to enjoy writing lyrics.”

“Y-you know about that?!” she squeaked.

“The professor simply mentioned it once,” he explained cheerfully. “On that note, would you care to join me in the afternoon choir practice? It is in just a few hours.”

Bernadetta hung her head again and smiled nervously. Hanging out with Ferdinand didn't sound like a terrible idea. But there was something else stopping her. 

“Um… I don’t know… I’d prefer it if there was no one around when I’m singing...” 

“No worries, I will not force you to come along. But... perhaps one day it will be alright,” he added hopefully.

“One day, huh…” Bernie suddenly lifted her face to the sky, looking far away at nothing in particular. She was quiet. “Well… maybe, um…..”

Ferdinand listened attentively. For some reason, he was excited, to the point that he could feel his own heart beat. 

“Maybe, for now, I could show you some more of my hobbies? When you have time. Just as long as it’s not my writing… I feel kind of touchy about that for some reason.”

“If you are comfortable with that, I would gladly listen,” he replied, then paused. “And in exchange, may I tell you about my interests as well?”

Despite her nerves, Bernadetta looked over at him. Her eyes fell on the small scratch on his face, which she only now noticed. And she smiled again.

“Like tea, and all the other noble things I somehow don’t know much about...? Sure, that doesn’t sound too bad.”

The sun was at its peak, casting its light down all across the monastery. It reached that little bench where they sat, where they were wrapping up the conversation, about to leave and go their respective ways.

And yet, amid the brilliant sunlight, Ferdinand suddenly wondered when he would see the moon again. The bright autumn moon was one of the loveliest parts of the season, but during the day it was usually invisible. Sometimes, however, it appeared there in the middle of the blue sky, as it did now, an unexpected but familiar sight to behold.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, it's been a while... // but if you're still reading this, thank you.


	6. Wyvern Moon & Changing Weather

The Horsebow Moon had brought chaos again in more than one way, as the issue of Flayn’s disappearance permeated the entire monastery. But the battle, fear and worry quickly passed after the monthly mission. Students returned to the cycle of lessons and chores. And of course, pastimes such as fooling around with the stray cats, or holding impromptu tea parties were ever popular. 

The days grew cooler and autumn deepened, as the sun gradually set earlier in the day. But despite the waning of nature’s vitality, everything was alive. All around people delighted in the bounty of the season, and the boisterous atmosphere that came with the fishing tournament at the onset of the Wyvern moon. It was then that Ferdinand and Bernadetta began a routine of talking on their days off, or whenever it was convenient.

Sometimes Ferdinand would go to simply greet her in the morning, and then they held their conversations through the door to her room. Other times, however, when Bernadetta felt more confident, she would actually venture to meet him outside, and they would sit on a quiet part of the stone steps or return to the bench near her room, where they had convened in the month prior. 

She found herself not minding the outdoors as much when she was with him. If she was a soldier, he was her shield to hide behind. Or perhaps a ray of sunlight, passing through a fog of worry? Bernadetta liked comparing him to the sun. He was so radiant; in fact, sometimes she could hardly stand it. 

The metaphors continued to swirl around her head. 

There were still so many things she kept hidden, especially concerning her past. But she swallowed all of it and let herself talk about the things that brought her joy instead. And never did Ferdinand make her feel that her rambles about sewing, art, or sweets were boring in the least, even though Bernadetta was absolutely convinced they were. 

_At least, they should be to someone like Ferdinand, whose interests are so different, yet…_

They were on the steps, sitting at the edge of a shadow.

“I think what I like most about it is, uh… the sheer possibilities, you know? There are so many color threads to choose from, not to mention all the types of stitches! Straight stitch, back stitch, blanket stitch… oh, um, you’re probably not familiar with those things, right...”

“Admittedly, I am not. But I do recall my mother doing embroidery when I was younger. It is a fascinating art! Though, you are the expert here. I am sure I myself would be rather clumsy at it.” His smile was unusual, laced with a bashful feeling, and he looked downward.

Bernie found herself feeling unsettled, almost angry whenever he deprecated himself to uplift her own skills. _You’re amazing at so many other things_! a voice cried inside her head. But the words were stifled.

She squeezed the hem of her skirt, and her voice trembled a little, but it was from frustration, not fear. 

“Aw, you shouldn’t say that!! I’m sure you could get there with some practice… anyone could.” Maybe the sentiment was close enough. She paused. ”Oh, I know. Let me show you this handkerchief I did a while ago... It has some of the stitches I just mentioned,” she said, getting up and dashing back to her door. Ferdinand waited.

Bernadetta only made sure the topic of literature didn’t emerge during their talks. She truly loved stories and writing them, but him finding her poem had given her enough embarrassment to last the entire year. She hoped he would just forget about it soon enough.

Ferdinand however, unbeknownst to her, thought of it often. For him the short poem only seemed to reaffirm the connection between them, and he mused over it fondly. It was obvious that she identified with the reclusive moon. And in the back of his mind, he kept wondering if the part about the sun meant something more... but every time he considered it, he was once again in denial. 

Once, on an invitation, Bernadetta resolved herself to walk with Ferdinand all the way to the cathedral, and she was surprised at how pleasant the autumn breeze felt from the heights she had never dared to explore beforehand.

Ferdinand stopped at the midpoint of the bridge and turned to her. She had moved ahead and was now standing still, hands flat on the low wall, entranced by the steep rocky crags and pines shrouded in mist below. A lone Wyvern rider drifted across it all. Her eyes fell on the creature, watching its wings flap slowly, steadily. 

“Breathtaking, is it not? Every time I walk this path, I cannot help but pause and marvel at the view,” said Ferdinand. He glanced at her, eyes warm with enthusiasm.

“Oh, um… yeah,” she replied, managing a small smile despite her racing heart. _If anything was taking her breath, it certainly wasn’t the rocks and trees..._

“Though I generally prefer springtime, there is a certain charm to the autumn scenery as well, I think.”

“Ah, really?” In recent years she had always spent the colder months in reclusion, not daring to step outside. She now felt that she had been missing something in all those lonesome days, as ashamed as she was to acknowledge it.

“That reminds me, do you have a favorite season, Bernadetta?” he asked out of the blue.

She blanked for a moment before answering, smoothing her hands over the stone wall that barely separated her from the landscape. “I guess I don’t really have one… maybe winter, though? Since that’s when my birthday is…” 

“I see. When the date arrives, then, we shall all have to celebrate!” he proclaimed.

“Oh, um! I-I don’t know, I’ve always had pretty quiet birthdays, so I think I’d just get overwhelmed and ruin it or something…” 

Bernadetta instinctively conjured excuses at Ferdinand’s suggestion. She wasn’t used to receiving such blatantly kind words. Secretly, her heart did flips whenever he expressed interest in any part of her life. He was so open and compassionate, compared to her typically scared and closed-off self. In that respect, she thought he and Dorothea were similar, and was curious as to why the two didn’t exactly get along.

Inside the cathedral, she raised her hands in prayer, in the way she had been taught all her life. She was never particularly religious, despite her father being the Minister of Religious Affairs, but it was customary. So she simply implored the goddess for protection in the coming month. Protection from attackers, from monsters, from guys like Sylvain or Felix who approached her out of nowhere and demanded interaction... That alone did not take long, and inevitably her thoughts drifted. So did her gaze, falling on Ferdinand, whose eyes were still closed, his face downturned, and his hands clasped in front of him.

Bernadetta wondered what was going through his head just then. Did he wish to surpass Edelgard, like he mentioned often in the beginning of the semester? Or maybe he was just praying for success in battle? The wounds from his previous mishap had long since healed, but that might have been it. 

Come to think of it, she saved his life then, didn’t she?

She took a deep breath and looked up at the intricate engraving along the walls and ceiling.

Bernadetta still couldn’t believe that mere months ago, she thought Ferdinand was her enemy— “eternal rival” was the exact phrase. But after their reconciliation, the tables turned completely, and they had only grown closer. 

Then and there, as she stood under the soft glow of the stained glass, she made herself a promise to celebrate his birthday too, in some way, even though it was a long way away in the Great Tree Moon. She remembered the day only because it was on the same day as the first mock battle. Though by then next year, they would probably have graduated from the academy…

Ferdinand’s hands returned to his sides, and he turned to face her, this time vibrant curiosity written all over his smile.

“Eep! U-um, I wasn’t staring, I promise–!” Bernadetta felt heat rising in her face.

His laugh rang out like a bell. “It is alright if you were! Perhaps I let my mind wander too long.” He shook his head and blushed slightly. “Shall we go back now?”

As it happened, the trip to the cathedral was a one-time event. Afterwards, Bernadetta followed the path back to the dorms with Ferdinand and hastened to her quarters, as before, to decompress. She had enjoyed the adventure and the time for reflection, but wading through all the students, monks, knights, and other faculty wore her out immensely. Just being around so many people was tiring.

It was sometime before sunset when she said goodbye to him and quietly closed the door to her room. It would take her a day or so to readjust to the cycle of daily life as a student. 

* * *

Later in the Wyvern Moon, when nearly every leaf of every tree had turned color, the fateful battle of the Eagle and Lion approached. The students were in a frenzy, eagerly training, sparring with each other, shining their weapons in preparation. Everyone was excited to take on the challenge as the date drew nearer.

Well, most of them were… some were more nervous than anything.

And so Byleth knocked on Bernadetta’s door, to see how she was faring for the upcoming battle.

“Good afternoon, Bernadetta.”

“Hi, Professor.” She put down the scarf she was in the process of knitting out of lavender yarn. The door talks were becoming a lot more casual, and she found that her voice came out easily. “Want to know something? Gronder is in the territory of House Bergliez, in the empire. That’s right next to my home, the region of Varley!”

But as she was explaining it rather calmly, a thought suddenly came to her, and her throat grew tight as she continued.

“Oh. Oh no. What if—what if my parents come to watch?! Aaah!” Bernadetta cried through her door. 

Anxiety welled up inside of her. She just couldn’t get the image of her father’s ruthless, scrutinizing gaze and her mother’s tight-lipped stare out of her mind. If they came to see her...

“I don’t think nobles are allowed to watch,” her professor answered calmly. 

“Oh…” It was slightly reassuring to hear that. If they weren’t allowed to come, she didn’t have to prove anything to them. She wouldn’t have to bear an ounce of criticism. Even so, the image of her parents remained, and she felt her stomach churn at the recollection of some unfavorable things.

When the three-way battle finally arrived, she briefly forgot about her troubles again. The battlefield wasn’t her favorite place to be by a long shot, but with her professor’s encouragement and guidance, at least she had become fairly competent with a bow. 

Bernadetta stood tall on her horse, but winced when Leonie grazed her with a spear, and barely escaped a swooping attack from Ingrid on her pegasus. She felt practically no remorse, however, when Felix was struck by one of her arrows and forced to retreat. Eventually she dismounted, pet Penny a temporary goodbye, and found her way to the peak of the ballista, arguably the best position for an archer like her. By then, the battle was nearly won.

She focused on all she could do to be useful, and in the end, the Black Eagles were victorious. After it was all over, she found herself standing by Ferdinand, whose forehead was bright with sweat. They shared a moment, and laughed with relief—no nearly fatal accidents this time.

Together with the rest of the students in their class, they watched the house leaders from afar, all breathing in the crisp, cool air. Petra and Hubert were nearby, gazing at Edelgard intently as she talked with Claude and Dimitri on the field. Linhardt had passed out on the ground, and Caspar was attempting to drag him up.

Bernadetta’s heart was still pounding with exhilaration from the fight, and her mind made circles in the clear blue sky. For some reason, she felt incredibly light, like a bird let out of a cage to fly around a room. She couldn’t bring herself to speak, but in that moment the world somehow appeared to be sparkling and beautiful, despite its rough and rugged parts. All she could do was savor the feeling.

Ultimately though, her worries weren’t truly eased, only diverted. The lightness she felt seemed to be only a post-battle high, coming right before a crash of fatigue. When the ruckus and travel were over and she had time to think about how tired she was, she crept back to her room, even more exhausted than the times before. It would take a bit longer to recover from this than it had from a trip to church.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was a little short (and reflective), but I hope you enjoyed it! The story will continue.


	7. Red Wolf Moon & The Flame in the Darkness

At the same time that everyone was celebrating and returning to routine after the Battle of the Eagle and Lion, Bernadetta began having nightmares. 

The short exchange with Byleth as she stopped by to check in may have been the first reminder. She had been slowly forgetting about her father and her life at home, being absorbed in other things, her life at school, and meeting people. But suddenly the memories returned, and she began to lose sleep. They were those memories she had been repressing—her father’s violent outbursts, her mother’s silence, the ropes, and the unbearable pressure to become his ideal of a wife when she was only seventeen years old. 

Putting her own life side by side to her classmates, even other nobles, she began to feel alienated in her experiences. It had all seemed “normal” to her at the time, but in the end it wasn’t really a normal life at all. It seemed like everyone else carried on without the same burdens. 

“But why...? Why…?” she sobbed.

But only the stuffed bear heard her cry. It all felt ridiculous. Tears formed from a tangled mess of emotions and spilled over onto her pillow as she lay awake, unable to sleep in the agony of her own thoughts.

Her mother had rescued her by sending her to the monastery, even though it took Bernadetta herself many months to realize it. At the very least, she was now physically apart from the gloomy estate where she was once a prisoner, resigned to her fate. But as long as her father existed, even if he was far away, her thoughts returned to her childhood and home, which were anything but a comfort.

* * *

Ferdinand was distracted during class. He noticed Bernadetta’s gradually darkening eyes, and the bags that were forming day by day. They had been so bright on the occasions they met, yet now, the joy was gone from them. She usually didn’t speak up much in the first place, but now she was completely silent during the lectures they had together. And almost as soon as Byleth concluded her lesson, she would pick up her things and swiftly exit the room, still not saying a word.

He wasn’t the only one that noticed, either. Dorothea interrogated him some time after Bernadetta stopped speaking. 

“Ferdie, you haven’t done anything to hurt my precious Bern’s feelings, have you now?” Her tone had an edge to it that made him stand up straighter.

“No, of course not!” he replied, furrowing his brows. “I do not even know why, myself…” He sighed.

Seeing his distress, Dorothea’s face softened slightly. “Oh, my apologies. I’m just really worried for her, and I thought you might understand, since you guys seemed rather close.” She sighed in return and lowered her head. “I’ve been meaning to talk to her too, but it’s been difficult to find a good time. She always seems to be slipping away these days.”

“Yes, I agree…”

He enjoyed their casual interactions- after all, there were few people he could feel even the slightest bit vulnerable with, and Bernadetta was one of them. He hated to see her suffer silently while he had no idea what was going on. As he walked through the monastery and stopped to observe a field below, he recalled the spark he felt between them when they had gone riding, and later when they had tea together with the professor. It was far more than just thinking she was cute or fun to be around, Ferdinand realized. But he couldn't find the words to properly describe his feelings toward her.

One day after a lesson, desperate to catch her attention, he decided to leave earlier than usual and wait for her outside by a pillar, the same place where she had given him flowers during the Garland Moon. He saw that event as the official beginning of their friendship, following the trouble and misunderstanding that ensued when he thoughtlessly pressured her to go outside. Surely, he hoped, they could finally talk freely, and all would be well afterward...

But Bernadetta, to his dismay, did not seem willing or ready to discuss anything. 

“I just... haven’t been sleeping well. Sorry, I can’t talk right now,” she said, and shrugged before disappearing again to her room. Their eyes didn't meet.

She had become cold and distant, like the moon high in a chilly night sky, drifted far from the horizon— out of mortal reach.

Ferdinand couldn’t help but worry, but this time, he wasn’t even sure how to approach her. Where had his inborn confidence gone? He felt as though he was walking on eggshells whenever he passed by her door, something he did out of habit now. Every time, he couldn’t bring himself to knock. It was improper, or he would be a bother, he thought. If their friendship was a field, this time brought cracks in the ground like from a drought or earthquake.

“Would it be alright for me to offer this? This blend is good for relaxation, though if you do not want it, please, do not feel obligated to accept.”

He once worked up the courage to offer her some chamomile tea, and she actually took it. But she still wouldn’t talk to him as they used to. He began to think she didn’t enjoy his company anymore, and the thought itself drained him.

If Bernadetta actually hated him, he considered himself an ultimate failure of a noble— no, a failure of a person.

In despair, Ferdinand considered asking Byleth for advice, but his idea of noble pride came to kick him again. Again were the insecurities that arose when he realized he didn’t feel truly close enough to anyone to discuss such personal matters. But he had to endure this and resolve things himself. 

* * *

The days were only getting colder, and Bernadetta still tossed and turned before barely managing a nap during the night. The schedule she had gradually developed over the months at Garreg Mach, the semblance of a normal life, was thrown on its back. Restless from her tortured thoughts and dreams, she wrote stories and diaries and knitted by candlelight until she was exhausted. Only then could she sleep some. Every day after class she would head to her room and pass out for hours on end, until she inevitably awoke in the middle of the night. And it was certainly taking a toll on her. 

In a daze one night, she wrote fervently.

_19 Red Wolf Moon_

_I want to talk to Ferdinand again sometime. It would be nice, wouldn't it, like when we had tea together. I still haven't used the leaves he gave me._

_I want to talk, but I don’t feel strong enough._

_I want to talk, but would he think it was silly?_

_It's not his fault that I don't feel good. About school or nobles or anything. I wonder if I can tell him that._

The ink on the quill dried up, and she took it as a sign to end the night's entry.

Late in the Red Wolf Moon, in the middle of a windy, moonless night, Bernadetta found herself awake and, as usual, alone in her room. The view outside showed nothing but dark murky clouds on top of an even darker backdrop.

“You’ve got this, Bernie…” she said to herself in a small voice. Meanwhile, her arms, curled around the bear, continued to tremble. 

She was never good at persuading people, but the most difficult person for her to convince of something was herself. And she didn’t want to accept that she didn’t actually have this under control, after all.

_I’m not okay._

This night was different than all the other ones before. The nightmare took a different form, and it left her paralyzed. Everything she knew was being twisted before her eyes, and she struggled to escape the phantom ropes. How could they feel so constricting, even in a dream? She wished she was stronger. Or may she wished that she thought herself as stronger.

There was a door in front of her, not far away. Just accept my conditions, he said, and you can pass through just fine. Everything will be splendid and lovely. At the same time, he held a flaming match to a bunch of papers. It was a clear threat. Her papers, full of writing and drawings. Her feelings. Her life.

 _No, I could never_ , her dream self cried. _That’s impossible for me._

You don’t have much time left, he said, grimacing. _I_ don’t have much time left. You’re my only successor. You know that very well.

_I can’t, I just can’t. I don’t want to..._

You leave me no choice, then.

_No! Wait, I-_

The paper caught fire.  
  


Strained breaths escaped from her lungs as she sat up on her bed, her back to the stone wall beside it. Her hands felt clammy. So did her feet, even though she wore socks under her nightgown. Drawing the blanket up closer to her shoulders, she felt that something was escaping her, and yet she couldn’t get a grip on what it was. 

A breeze flowed in from the open crack of the window, and again she shivered. She could have moved to close it… but she was frozen, stricken by fear. 

What exactly was she so afraid of, safe within her room? Wasn’t this her sanctuary of solitude? A hideaway from the stressful and often dangerous outside world?

Silence and crickets.

Opposite, on her desk, a small candle flickered, the sole source of light in the dark room. It cast shadows across the wooden surface and the wall behind it. It was completely apart from the fire of her nightmare. Instead of a threat like the flame in her dream, it more so seemed to represent hope. Bernadetta let herself be distracted by its erratic movement, twitching like a glowing goldfish in a midnight pond. Wax dripped down from it slowly.

If her mind wasn’t going to let her relax, it was all she could do to fixate on the tiny light and try to breathe. 

She then thought of Petra, slicing through enemies in a foreign land, doing her very best even when she made errors in her efforts to speak the language- and she excelled. Bernadetta admired her persistence and courage. And Dorothea, who was so charming, and stood up for herself. Stood up for the people she considered friends, too. And of course Edelgard, who seemed practically fearless, a model leader… Bernadetta sometimes envied those qualities among her female classmates. She found them remarkable, and in comparison she felt, well, rather pathetic. 

Bernadetta realized her strengths were not in wielding swords or engaging people. But she couldn’t think what they were. The foremost thing that came to mind was knitting, maybe. And what use was that?

 _What about horses?_ A faraway voice seemed to call out to her. She could barely hear it among the rubble of everything else dragging her down.

There was another person whose face appeared then alongside the picture of horses running across a field. A person with a kind heart, who had recently felt so important… who in the bubble of negative thoughts, also seemed completely out of her reach. He called himself her friend, but in the moment she couldn’t think of a single thing that made her worthy of his attention. And yet now at this dark hour, his brightly colored image entered her mind, providing a brief sense of comfort as she stared at the wavering candle. Comfort, she realized- the thing she didn't find in thoughts of home and family.

_What about horses?_ her mind echoed. _What about them?_

Minutes passed. To her alone, it could have been an hour. As the flame began to smolder, sending wispy trails of smoke into the air, Bernadetta felt her heartbeat quicken.

“No, no… please. Don’t go out,” she whispered. Tonight, the dark was her enemy.

When not a trace of orange glow was left, she couldn’t take it anymore. Alone in the darkness, she felt like crying out. Yet her throat was clogged by the invisible fear that she couldn’t place. The shadows were closing in.

It was that feeling she had sometimes encountered in close combat that she resented—the feeling of being trapped like prey, surrounded by enemies. She had long since requested to discard her lance lessons for the time being and focus on archery instead, wanting to maintain her distance in battle.

_I don't want to be alone again._

Instinct told her that she needed to move. Bernadetta climbed off the bed and took the armored bear stuffy that Byleth had given her some time ago into her hands. It was time to close the distance.

She made her way out the door and took as many shaky steps as was necessary to reach the second level of the dormitory, to a room situated down the hall where many of the students of nobility slept. She had gone to that door once in the past month to return a lost item, a delicate white teacup rimmed with gold. Now the memory of the path came to her advantage, and showed her feet the way in the dim passages.

Why she chose to go there over the professor’s room was something of a mystery. Perhaps she didn’t want to bother them at this hour, despite how close and comfortable they were. But moreover she felt in her heart that she would find in that upstairs room the thing she felt was escaping her just then, and that the occupant wouldn’t mind too much being woken up suddenly. 

For some reason, she desperately sought the company of a person, to the extent that it was strange to her, a recluse who for the most part didn’t seek anyone on any given day. But talking to someone now seemed more important than anything else. Bernadetta was determined to reach that place, all while feeling that she was currently on the verge of collapse. Her breath was frail and she felt lightheaded... but at last she reached it.

She stood there for a moment in the hallway, clutching the stuffed toy. The cool air from outside seeped in, creating a drafty space. Her cold hands remained cold and stiff. She tried raising them.

But she couldn’t do it. She couldn’t bring herself to knock. 

The door was just a wall. Her eyes focused on the curled hand, unmoving in front of her, seemingly separate from herself. Little by little, it fell. 

She couldn't bring herself to move forward. The darkness wasn’t exactly swallowing her this time. Instead it simply silenced her, down to every nerve in her body, and she wanted to cry once more.

At the sound of a faint knock on her door, Dorothea rolled over and, almost by instinct, heaved a sigh. It was late, very late. Sleep was a precious commodity, if she wanted to keep her youthful beauty as long as possible. Who had woken her, and with what intentions?

At this hour, she thought, the sound could only mean one of two things. It could in all likelihood be the guy she’d gone on a few dates with recently but had soon lost interest in. He had an attractive body shaped by training, sure, and some winsome facial expressions to add to the list. But ultimately, Dorothea felt she had been deceived by his coy smile—in the end, he was just another noble, and the especially shallow type who employed excessive flattery to get his way. _Ugh_. 

At least some nobles _tried_ to live honestly, she reminded herself, and not stoop to obsequiousness. In any case, he was another man completely unaware of his own privilege. She really hoped it wasn’t that guy, so desperate that he’d do something as tactless as bother her in the middle of the night.

On the other hand, the person who knocked could be someone she was a bit more familiar with, someone from her class who, tortured and restless, sought out a companion in the darkest hours. 

The second possibility propelled her to rise and rub the sleep out of her eyes. It could very well be Edie, whose trauma she’d somewhat pieced together somewhat just from hearsay, and implications about her past while talking to Hubert. But no matter who it was and what they were suffering from, she certainly wasn’t one to back away from a friend in need. If it was actually just a persistent suitor, well, Dorothea had every right to politely shut the door in his face. 

She opened it warily, but as soon as she saw Bernadetta shivering in her frilly nightgown, all her defenses dropped.

“Bern! Oh goodness,” she blurted rather uncharacteristically.

The other girl didn’t meet her eyes. “Um, sorry to bother you…”

She’d half expected this, of course, but Dorothea still found herself caught in a moment of surprise. She knew that Bernadetta had been suffering, but now she trusted her enough to show up at her most vulnerable… had Bernie truly warmed up to her, at last? Quickly Dorothea collected herself and welcomed her inside, taking her by the arm.

“No, you’re not bothering me at all, Bern. Here, sit down and make yourself comfortable.”

Bernadetta hesitantly took a seat on the bed, and Dorothea noted that she was fidgeting with the stuffed bear she had brought. It was peculiar with its miniature armor, but nevertheless it was cute. Maybe she’d ask about that later. Right now, there were other priorities. Without missing a beat, she grabbed the blanket and wrapped it around Bernadetta as she took the place beside her.

“It’s going to be okay,” she said, patting the blanket around her shoulders. From experience, she knew that was probably the most comforting thing for a scared girl to hear. 

"T-thanks…" Bernadetta continued looking down at her lap, face pale.

Looking at her up close, Dorothea knew something was wrong. Something had been wrong for roughly the past two weeks. She questioned Bernadetta gently.

“What’s on your mind, Bernie Bear?” 

But the other girl just shook her head. 

“Dorothea…” she began. “I don’t know, I just feel like it’s not… I…” Bernadetta took a shallow breath, and almost immediately her eyes grew watery. Her mouth remained closed.

“You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to. But I’m here all night, okay?” She petted Bernadetta’s hair, noting how soft it was despite its tangles. Her mind wandered a little, thinking of how some brushing and trimming would transform it.

Bernadetta, surprisingly, didn’t jump or protest at the physical closeness. In fact, she was visibly calmer than when she had been standing outside. All the same, she gulped and squeezed the bear again. 

“It’s hard to explain, I guess.” 

Dorothea nodded, and once again combed the other girl’s hair with her fingers. “I’ve been so worried about you. You haven’t been getting much sleep lately, have you?”

“No…” Bernadetta let out a sigh. “Actually, um, I’ve been getting bad dreams… That’s why I can’t sleep.”

“I see…” Dorothea replied softly. She wondered what those dreams entailed exactly, especially to bring her into this helpless state of anxiety. Maybe it would benefit her to discuss what distressed her so much? Or would it only be harmful to bring up those nightmares now, when she was still so fragile? It was probably best to leave it for later, she reasoned, after the night had passed.

After a quiet moment of thought, Dorothea decided to instead bring up something that had been on her mind for a while. “I'm not sure if you noticed, Ferdinand’s worried about you too, you know... Maybe more than anyone.”

“He’s… worried about me?” Suddenly Bernadetta raised her head, blinking. She was beginning to seem herself again, and though naturally she was still timid and unsure, that was a good sign, at least. Dorothea took the cue.

“Worried sick. He’s been getting paler by the day.” She shook her head disdainfully. “Not that it concerns _me_ all that much...” With that, a wry smile. “In any case, he cares a lot about you, Bern. I suppose he and I are rivals in that, if anything.”

Bernadetta was slightly appalled at this new perspective. Ferdinand and Dorothea, rivals? Dorothea had once been someone she was jealous of, but that didn't concern her so much anymore. Now her hazy mind spun a comical picture of them in a duel on stage, complete with magic circles and swords. It managed to pull her a few more inches more out of the pit of worry.

But more than that, Dorothea said that Ferdinand was really worried about her. Of course Bernadetta had noticed his knitted brows, accepted his gifts, acknowledged his attempts to talk. But of course, she hadn't been ready for that last part. She had sought counsel with Byleth for a short time once, though she didn't reveal the entirety of her past. But with Ferdinand, it was a little different… she didn't want to burden him with her troubles in any way. She knew if they talked, he would want to know everything. No doubt, he would have an opinion. But regardless of what that opinion was, there was no way to predict how he would react to what she would inevitably need to explain. So instead, she had shut herself away.

Still, the fact that her plight, the thing she had been trying so hard to not bother anyone with was getting to him, too… in her heart there was a warm, but somewhat twisting feeling, like a towel soaked in hot water being wrung.

“I… I see. It makes me kind of glad to hear that. But… you don’t like him, right?" she ventured after her pondering. "I mean, you’ve said don’t like nobles…”

Dorothea had expected a question like this for some time, after feeling the weight of Bernadetta's gaze when she watched her battle alongside Ferdinand. In fact, intuition told her that there was something more than friendship buried between the two, something that might be unearthed with time… she was intensely curious, but naturally, she didn't want to jump to conclusions. In any case, her current mission was to soothe this girl's worries. 

“Well, he once gave me some mediocre cookies as part of a way to earn my favor. So yes, you could say he’s not my favorite person at the academy.” She rolled her eyes while smiling. 

“And about my opinion of nobles in general… well, to tell the truth, there are certain types I despise. I have my reasons. But you’re not one of those, Bern. You don’t need to worry about that.”

“So... it’s alright for us to talk like this?” Bernadetta lifted her face slightly to look at Dorothea, maybe the first time she had really focused since they met at the door. Her dark brown hair was glossy as usual, maybe slightly messier, but now it casually spilled over her simple light blue gown. The sight of her bright yet sleepy green eyes was reassuring.

“Of course! You’re always safe with me- I hope you understand that. So you can tell me what you really feel.”

“O-okay…” Bernadetta finally smiled a small smile.

She ended up explaining only a little of what was truly bothering her. She faltered when it came to her father, and ultimately left the history of her home life vague. All the same, Dorothea offered what sympathy she could, staying close and listening to her ramble.

“I think I feel a little better now,” she sighed, when she felt as though she had spoken enough. It wasn’t the end of the story, but it was a weight off her chest.

“That’s good,” said Dorothea. She was starting to feel the effects of fatigue, and her voice was a degree quieter. “By the way, you can stay here tonight.”

Bernadetta perked up. “R-really?” 

“Yes, I prefer not to say things I don't really mean.” Dorothea’s eyes sparkled a little, even in the dim light. “Let’s have a sleepover. Oh, did you ever have sleepovers when you were younger?”

“Um, I think this is my first, actually... My parents never really let me invite people over.” Her face darkened momentarily, but she gave a weak smile to express her agreement. “But if it’s with you, it’s probably okay, I think.” Dorothea may have been a commoner, and Bernadetta was still scared to death of her father finding out about this, but ultimately she was her friend and was there for her.

They tucked in, and Bernadetta kept her bear close. The cold wind continued to blow outside, but they were now under the warmth of the quilt. Dorothea's room was a bit sparser than Bernadetta's, but it was cozy nonetheless. Moreover, it was possible to detect the faint relaxing scent of a flowery perfume wafting through the air.

“Thanks, Dorothea," Bernadetta said, bringing the covers up to her nose.

“Anytime, Bern... Let’s get some rest.”

“Okay. Good night.” By her voice alone, it seemed that Bernadetta was already half-asleep. Another good thing. 

“Good night.”

As Bernadetta’s breaths steadied, Dorothea remained awake slightly longer. _Ferdie probably doesn’t know a thing_ , she thought. Soon enough, though, her own exhaustion took over, and the two girls slept soundly, cradled in the night that hinted at the coming of winter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone!  
> This chapter was actually something I wanted to write for a while, in fact one of the first things I drafted for a three houses fic. But it was tricky (and of course, I got distracted by things going on in my life, and other writing pursuits), so it was a long time coming. In any case, I hope you enjoyed it ❁


	8. Appreciation & Apologies

Hello everyone,

For starters, I want to say how grateful I am for all my lovely readers who brought kudos or comments to my work; to my sister who always read my chapters and encouraged me; to her boyfriend who gave me some useful constructive criticism along the way. It was truly a fun journey!

Unfortunately, as I wrote more and more, I began to lose the energy and motivation to continue this particular story... And as much as I love these characters, at this point in time I physically can't bring myself to write another chapter. Which does make me a little sad, but I hope you understand. I doubt I'll ever be able to neatly finish this work, _but_ I will definitely keep writing other stories, and that at least strikes me as something to look forward to. ^_^

In any case, there are lots of wonderful and finished Fernadetta fics from other authors (you might find some in my bookmarks!), so please read those! And I hope you have an awesome day.

Sincerely,

Dandelion ❋

**Author's Note:**

> ❀❃❀❃❀


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